I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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