i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
