yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
