they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
