we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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