I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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