If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
