brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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