Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
