At least make sure they are 18
Why
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
