WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
