I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
