I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
