its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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