Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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