I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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