hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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