i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
