How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
As shirtless as possible
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
