I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
