That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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