You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
