Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My bed smells like the plague
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
