Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
