there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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