id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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