Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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