where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We had sex on a dog bed..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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