let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
