Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
