okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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