Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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