i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
