its not stalking. its research.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
