hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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