he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Shame is for Republicans.
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