his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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