Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
