Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
