oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
