Pants 0. Shit 1.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
