i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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