Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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