i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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