The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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