I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
