was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
