I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
