and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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