Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
