Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
