If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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