Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
