I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
