i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
