Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
