This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
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You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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