in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
