Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
