i wish semen tasted like chocolate
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
