We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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