My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
