That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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