Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
