he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
