before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
