I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
