Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
