That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So squirting runs in the family.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize