dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
