Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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