sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
