you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
