I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
