A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
